Embracing Grief: The Unseen Path to Transformation and Healing
Transformation and healing are journeys fraught with challenges, yet many aspects remain unspoken. Perhaps it's due to a lack of elders sharing their experiences with growth, but I am here to change that narrative.
The Weight of Grief
When I first encountered my grief, it felt like my heart was being wrung out, each ache active and consuming. No one had warned me that grief would be a significant part of my healing process. It took months of trudging through emotional mud before I could name that experience.
Grief is intertwined with the healing path; we often find ourselves returning to it. To truly transform, we must grieve. Our grief is a clear indication that we are ready to embrace the next chapter of our lives. To grow, we must let go, and in order to let go, we must grieve.
What We Grieve
As we navigate this journey, we grieve many things: what we needed but never received, the pain we endured, and the decisions made when we were unaware of our worth. This grieving process allows our bodies to soften into safety, enabling memories to resurface. We are called to mourn experiences we previously could not confront.
Once we achieve wholeness in our own experiences, we may also find ourselves grieving for the innocent souls who have faced hurt, the state of our planet, and the collective suffering of humanity.
Grief as a Blessing
Understanding grief can be challenging, especially when our minds or bodies attempt to shield us from its intensity. Yet, grief is a profound blessing; it signifies your capacity for deep love.
I have accepted that certain parts of me may always remain in grief. Their pain runs so deep that I no longer seek relief; instead, I choose to love my grieving parts. This love has taught me how to tenderize my grief.
Tenderizing Pain: A Lesson in Awareness
One of my mentors, Sarah Blondin, describes the process of tenderizing pain as allowing it to be expressed in the "safe circle of our own company." By holding our pain within the compassionate light of awareness—rather than pushing it away—we learn how to express it healthily.
We begin tenderizing our grief when we choose to hold space for it. We tenderize it when we recognize that although it may return, we are capable of navigating it. Grief reminds us of our inherent ability to love, and we honor its wisdom by letting it move us without becoming consumed by it.
The Alchemy of Grief
As we tenderize our grief, we fill the void it leaves with new light and life. We cannot prescribe a set timeline or stages for its journey; rather, we must let it be. In doing so, we engage in true alchemy.
Grief can feel overwhelming until we learn to approach it with love. By doing so, it transforms into a powerful ally and teacher throughout our healing journey. Each time we encounter a new edge of transformation, grief appears to remind us of our capacity for love, urging us to make space for even more.
The Dance of Love and Grief
Allow your grief to guide you toward a deeper expansion of love—after all, this is our purpose. Greater love leads to greater grief, and in turn, deeper grief allows for deeper love.
A Call to Embrace Grief
Kneel at the feet of your grief. Visit her often. Bring her flowers and sweets. Your grief is a portal connecting you momentarily to two worlds. Her wings will carry you on this sacred descent. She will empty you and call you closer to the ground so your body can learn again and again how to fill up with new life.
Your grief will remind you of the ancestral ways. Let her song of longing alchemize you into the elder you once longed for. Your grief is the memory of love. Don’t chase her away, ask her to remind you.
